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We are living in desperate times and the radio industry in America proves it. Now we have an "all liberal" network. Just what we need. It isn't enough that conservative bloviators sling radio propaganda all day long; it's apparently imperative that we have constant left-wing bleating as well, even though National Public Radio is heard on more than 700 stations. Here's what we can expect on the left side of the dial.
"Lou in Seattle, you're on the air."
"Bush is a liar."
"Good call, Lou."
"Halliburton owns Cheney and Laura Bush has hair extensions."
"What about Rumsfeld?"
"He has hair extensions too and lies about them."
Can't get enough of that, can you? Let's turn the dial to the right.
"Lorraine in Orlando, what's on your mind?"
"Ditto."
"Ditto what, Lorraine?"
"Kerry is a communist. He has botox."
"And the government probably paid for it, right Lorraine?"
"No doubt. And Hillary dated bin-Laden at Yale..."
But it's not all politics on the radio, there's other talk as well.
"Moon Man, how's it hangin' bro? You're the best except for Howard Stern."
"Yo, dude, I am your freedom of speech guy."
"Excellent, Moon. What up with Janet Jackson?"
"I had sex with her, dude, that's a fact ..."
How about some music, didn't we used to have music on the radio? Let's dial up some rap:
"My glock is nice
I shot her twice
The ho no mo'
I got ta go ..."
Number one with a bullet on Felony 97 FM.
If you think I'm exaggerating, you're wrong. These days radio will put you in a daze. The bilge is unbelievable. Let's go to NPR for some relief.
"Time for 'All Things Considered' except for competing in the marketplace without public funding. Here's a report from our NPR correspondent in the Middle East."
"There was sadness over a mentally-challenged Palestinian boy wired up as a suicide bomber but by no means is this PLO policy, say reliable Hamas sources who spoke to NPR on the condition that we make them look sympathetic ..."
Well, maybe NPR isn't the answer. As I mentioned, some believe that network provides plenty of liberal commentary. It sure sounds that way. Maybe it's the soothing tone they use in explaining that anyone opposing gay marriage is a cousin of George Wallace. Perhaps it's the way they frame the debate:
"Joining us now from Washington is the senior senator from Massachusetts, Edward Kennedy, who's policies have enlightened this country for decades. Senator, can we send you an NPR tote bag..."
Anyway, there's little relief on the radio dial. It's worse than television.
The ghost of Joseph Goebbels is haunting most radio talk stations and the music people should all be in jail. One last chance for the new liberal network...
"Shirley in Aspen, what's on your mind?"
"Bush hates cats!"
"How do you know that, Shirl?"
"Read it on Barbra Streisand's website."
"Shirley?"
"Yes."
"What do you think about Bush's lies?"
"Think? Isn't this talk radio?"
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