"The headline in today's New York Times reads: 'Conservatives Split Deeply Over Attacks on Justice Dept. Lawyers.' The article says Liz Cheney's group 'Keep America Safe' has alienated some on the right because the group is criticizing American lawyers who have defended captured terrorists. But we can find no high-profile conservative who has criticized attorneys for defending incarcerated terrorists. So there is no controversy within the conservative community; I believe 90% of those on the right support attorneys for jihadists. What the New York Times doesn't get is that there are legitimate questions about why Attorney General Eric Holder hired nine lawyers who were involved with terror suspects. The problem exploded because Holder wouldn't tell the American people who he hired; Fox News had to break that story because you have a right to know who's working in the Justice Department. So the page 1 story was bogus - the New York Times created a phony story to denigrate people with whom they disagree."

The Factor asked political analyst Dick Morris to weigh in on the Times story. "I agree with you that there's no split in the conservative movement," Morris began, "and I agree that these jihadists are entitled to attorneys. But I also think Holder should not have hired these nine lawyers. To represent one of the Guantanamo inmates, you have to look for them - the closest metaphor is to be a mob lawyer, and I don't think the Justice Department should hire someone who made a living defending mobsters." The Factor accused Morris of painting the attorneys with too broad a brush: "Some of these lawyers are crazy far left kooks, but I don't think you can demonize the whole crew because some people just want to do pro bono work on a big case. You have to take this on a case-by-case basis."

Academy Award winner Tom Hanks has implied that America's war on terror, like widespread hatred of Japan in the Second World War, is partly motivated by religious bigotry. Hanks refused an invitation to appear, so liberal attorney Mark Levine served as a stand-in for the actor. "I think he's getting at the fact that there was a lot of racist propaganda during World War II," Levine said, "when we took an entire people and condemned them for what their leadership did. There has been anti-Muslim sentiment in this country and we should distinguish between Osama Bin Laden and the ordinary peaceful Muslim." The Factor forcefully disputed the notion that ordinary Muslims are being targeted. "Mr. Hanks falls into the far-left trap of demonizing his country for a legitimate war against terror, that's what this pinhead is doing. That is irresponsible and Hanks should be ashamed. We haven't demonized the Muslim world."

A Catholic school in Colorado has banished two young children because their parents are lesbians. The Factor asked Catholic priest Father Jonathan Morris about the theological issues involved. "This is not just about Colorado," Morris said, "it is a question about a religious institution being able to preserve its identity on fundamental issues. The primary objective of Catholic education is teaching the faith, and when parents decide to send their kids to Catholic schools, they become equal partners in teaching the faith. These two parents are very public dissenters who disagree with the fundamental teachings of the church." The Factor urged the church to put the children first: "As a practicing Catholic, this seems to be a bit harsh and I don't know if Jesus would have made the same call. Kids have no power over who their parents are and I don't want to see the kids punished."

Body language maven Tonya Reiman analyzed the gestures of former Congressman Eric Massa as he denied making sexual advances toward male members of his staff. "When he was on with Glenn Beck," Reiman said, "he had so many facial expressions, as if he was trying to make Beck believe him. That was a bit of drama, you don't usually do that much with your eyes." Reiman also watched Massa when he claimed that White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel confronted him in the Congressional shower. "Did you see his body shifting all around?" Reiman observed. "That's literally shifting ideas, shifting thoughts, uncertainty." The Factor concluded that "based on these two clips, I don't trust this guy."

Keeping to the same subject, The Factor teed up the bizarre Mr. Massa for Dennis Miller. "I'm not saying this guy is fireman-calendar-on-the-refrigerator gay," Miller began, "but he is a little quirky. How many times have you and I been in the same studio over the years, and how many times have we laid hands on each other's DMZ? This guy got caught with his hands caught on the cookie jar, and I don't mean the ceramic one - I mean one of his senior aides, Cookston Jar III. I think the reason he voted no on Obama-care is because he found out it would not finance twice-daily prostate exams." The Factor retorted that Massa's well-honed frisking skills enable him to "get a job at the airport." Miller also tackled the question of why Farrah Fawcett was not included in the Oscar salute to the recently deceased. "Ryan O'Neal was 'stunned?' Hey, pal, why weren't you 'stunned' at your own ineffectiveness as a parent? Why don't you wake up and quit worrying about crap like this? If they forget you in a clip montage, life gets rougher than that."

Fox News anchor Juliet Huddy opined on a Reebok Internet video that shows people working out clad in their sneakers and nothing else. "This is brilliant," Huddy proclaimed. "I wouldn't be watching this, but this sneaker company just got a lot of advertising because we're talking about it." Huddy also watched the Ron Howard-directed web video featuring Chevy Chase, Dana Carvey, and other Saturday Night alums. "Howard wants to reform credit card companies and banks and lenders who have been ripping people off," Huddy reported. "He got together with the head of a Congressional panel and they made this video. But the message of the video is kind of botched - I had no idea after watching it what the message was."

Wednesday's Patriot: Illinois resident Dale Berger, who bid $8,550 for a Bold&Fresh tour poster signed by Bill and Glenn Beck. Another poster will be auctioned off each day this week, with all proceeds going to the Wounded Warrior Project. And the Pinhead: Former Minnesota Governor and conspiracy theorist Jesse Ventura, who referred to Beck, O'Reilly and Hannity as "the three stooges."

Terrence Lee, Ontario, Canada: "Hey, Bill, I disagree with you and Lou Dobbs. The invasion of privacy a national ID card would cause is not worth the fraud it would contain."

Carl Triebes, The Woodlands, TX: "The computer era has removed any privacy Americans had."

Kevin Byrne, Steep Falls, ME: "Stossel must be insane. Legalize polygamy? No, thank you."

Dane Muhlig, El Cajon, CA: "Stossel wants to legalize drugs and vice. He is playing to Satan."

Greg Kelly, Sesser, IL: "Stossel is wise."