It is astonishing that some people will sit in front of a TV set night after night to watch Trump-bashing on cable news.  I just don’t understand this.  It’s so boring.  If you’ve never seen it, let me encapsulate.

 

Hi, and welcome to CNN’s primetime program “Smear du Jour.”  I am your host Poppy Field.  Let’s get right to our panel.  John Dean, thanks for being with us.

A pleasure, Poppy.  Trump has a tattoo of Putin’s face on his butt.

 

Really, that’s so fascinating, John.  Have you seen it?

 

No, but a source close to the President has.  Very close.

 

Wow.  Also with us tonight, Carl Bernstein.  Hi, Carl.

 

Trump paid off every single Rockette at Radio City Music Hall!

 

Interesting, Carl.  How do you know? 

 

A psychic told me.  Wolf Blitzer can vouch for her.

 

Excellent, Carl.  We’ll get right back to you.  But first, here’s Kirsten Powers.  Do you have anything to say about the President, Kirsten?

 

No.

 

What?  Nothing at all?

 

Nope.  I just want to point out that anyone who voted for him or has spoken to him or who watched The Apprentice is a racist.

 

Do you guys believe that?  Carl?

 

And a misogynist, Poppy.  

 

Even the women?

 

Especially the women!

 

John Dean, want to weigh in?

 

Trump was one of the Watergate burglars.  Carl Bernstein knows.

 

That’s right, I forgot.  But he was.

 

Amazing, we are breaking news all over the place tonight.  But we have to take a quick commercial so our sponsor “My I Hate Trump Pillow” can pay our bills.

 

So there you go.  Every night.  Enjoy.

 

If you’re in the mood for some honest news, I’ll see you beginning at 7 eastern time this evening.