Gavin Newsom and Me
By: Bill O'ReillyDecember 3, 2023
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Gavin Newsom and Me

After watching California Governor Gavin Newsom debate Ron DeSantis the other night, I've come to the painful realization that the Golden State Governor will never do an interview with me, your humble correspondent.

The over/under applies for a Newsom one-on-one; over his dead body, under no circumstances.

Simply put, the slick spinmeister will never enter the No Spin Zone.

Therefore, I am bereft and left only with what might have been. Here's my "visualization."


O'Reilly: Governor, the average American household is now spending about $12,000 more on essentials than under Trump. So, how can you say the Biden economy is good?

Newsom: Because the president has created five billion and six jobs, the most ever in the history of mankind.

O'Reilly: That many?

Newsom: And I'm not even counting the positions he's created in Angola and Uruguay.

O'Reilly: Well, we're going to need those jobs because millions of migrants from all over the world are flooding into the USA. Do you favor the President's Open Border Policy?

Newsome: The border is secure, except once in a while, there's fog, and folks get in.

O'Reilly: In California, on your watch, folks pay about two dollars more for a gallon of gas than the rest of the country. Why?

Newsom: Because our gas is a special blend like Starbucks coffee. You pay more because it's special. Ask the gas station baristas.

O'Reilly: It seems like there's a lot of shoplifting in California, and no one is punished.

Newsom: Why would we punish people who steal less than $10 million dollars? It's just hijinks. It's not like they are the January 6 protesters who should be serving life. No, we in California are willing to share and care.

O'Reilly: The Census Bureau reports almost two million residents have departed your state in recent years. How come?

Newsom: Actually, we expelled them for bitching about high home prices. Let them live in Mississippi.

O'Reilly: But why are home prices in your state so high?

Newsom: Because, like our gas, California houses are special. Are you not understanding the Starbucks equation?

O'Reilly: I'm finding that a bit hard to believe, Governor.

Newsome: That's because you know Trump.

O'Reilly: Ironically, he's saying the same thing you are - that his properties are special and have high valuations.

Newsom: That's it, I'm leaving. You compared me to Trump.

O'Reilly: Well, you both use a lot of hair products, do you not?

Newsom: My hair is better. He uses the same kind of spray the Nazis did. Sieg Hair! Did you know that?

O'Reilly: No, I did not. One final question. You say Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are doing fabulous jobs. But polls say the American people disagree. Who's right, you or the folks?

Newsom: Just for grins, let me be honest. I will never give a direct answer to, or even acknowledge the validity of, any data that makes progressives look bad. That will never happen. You can torture me with watching "Blue Bloods," where the traditional family is highlighted, and I still will not honestly address any criticism of leftist policies. Got it?

O'Reilly: Yes, I understand. Appreciate your time, Governor.

Newsom: An honor. If you ever need a table at the French Laundry, let me know.

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