The Legend of Sleepy Biden
By: Bill O'ReillyOctober 23, 2022
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The Legend of Sleepy Biden

It is late October, and a seasonal change is in the air; darkness falls earlier, and spirits awaken in anticipation of All Hallows Eve. Children look forward to the spooky time when they go door to door asking for "treats." If none are forthcoming, the specter of "tricks" may arise.

This Halloween season, President Biden is the reigning trickster presiding over a country sliding into recession, a true horror.

But Mr. Biden is not concerned because, in his opinion, the economy is "strong as hell."

"Hell" being the key word.

On the banks of the Hudson River, the Headless Horseman would have chuckled - if he could have - at Mr. Biden's statement. But without a head, chuckling is a challenge.

Goblins and ghouls are also confused because there are many undocumented among them. These apparitions from other countries are being bused all over the place while the American undead must fend for themselves.

Not fair, they wail! We've got to secure the border. It is a frightening situation down there.

No, it's not, the President replies. The border is secure! It's strong like the economy.

There isn't a Vampire in Transylvania who believes that. In fact, Dracula and his buds are angry because Americans are being bled white by incompetent leadership, leaving less blood for them.

These are difficult times for witches as well. If they cast a spell on Joe Biden, who would even know? Walking around in a daze? Speaking in a strange manner? Helloooooo!

Even sending a squadron of flying monkeys to annoy him would mean nothing because the President would deny the monkeys were flying or were even monkeys at all.

And if they ever landed, he'd bus them to Seattle.

Lady Karine, the President's spokesperson, is celebrating the harvest season by channeling Sgt. Schultz from Hogan's Heroes: "I see nooothing. I know nooothing."

It is survival time for Ms. Jean-Pierre as the administration slowly sinks into the morass. Baghdad Bob had an easier job.

So, Happy Halloween, Joe Biden. In the years to come, scary stories will be told about your administration. Young children will tremble in fear upon hearing details of this very strange time.

But all will be fine in the end.

Because it never really happened.